Josef wanted a garden by Gellai Judit
It happened so
that Josef wanted a garden
I did not . Very much not.
Terribly totally and surely not.
Irritatingly, viscerally disgustingly thinking about digging planting, and raking
Generally, everything that starts with words to do with gardening
Great quarrels and rowing followed
For a few weeks our life is about gardening
What has happened?
Our marriage, our love that can withstand so much, improving and making peace.
Many times, feels like I am healing but I am cautious with big words because we could be also very callous
This needed to heal in me I admit
It was hard to get to this point
I resisted, blaming him for forcing me
We are too old for this shit
Especially him, I hinted accusingly whenever the pressure was too much to bear
I was afraid he wants to force on me the kind of life in which there is no place for me, to ever
The orange tree which I killed was beautiful and expensive by the way, symbolized in my eyes the whole thing
Later, as my inadequacy in nurturing trees turned into a lifeless sculpture I hated to look at
Feeling hurt by what I’ve done to it
We continued to argue and quarrel again which in our case meant shouting.
Furiously passionately but always within love
That’s our luck
Shouting and hurling rage until everything came out.
Nothing left inside.
somehow I started to guess what is a garden for Josef
It is his magical place
Yearning to learn the secrets of creation and creativity
preparing for planting and creative magic himself
Nurturing life, nursing, and talking to trees
I cannot express it as nicely as him
Just guessing what is he talking about, inspired by it very much
In the beginning, I did it for him
For some time now I know I will follow him everywhere
possibly resist at first, blasting him with questions, looking for the weak spots in his plans
and after opening up to believe in his dreams I join him.
This is the ancient law between women and men
I love it
now here we spend our days
we are totally amateur in this, this you must know
Compared to him I know a bit of an ant dick more about gardening but it doesn’t matter.
Befriending the living locals
Looking at them, trying to guess their name
Those we recognize which happens from time to time, we try to ease their life.
Weeding and watering
In any case, we’re glad for their presence
Slowly feeling at home we tame the garden
certainly no thanks to us
We are still beginners
the garden is not bothered by this
Patiently teaching us
I repeat, with caution
don’t take us too seriously here
but still, perhaps you should
We live in paradise
Looking out to the mountains from the terrace as we sip our coffee
Josef smoking his pipe
Waiting for sunset with a glass of wine in the evening
We love it here
Our fear is living here with and among us
We are old, really
My knee is hurting
The chair has caved in under Josef
He almost fell into the water cistern
Still, we laughed like mad
So here we are
Living in the Garden
Cluelessly, stupid many times
Enthusiastically with great curiosity
with great plans and dreams
In the evening when we go home
happy with the clean house,waiting to come back
wondering where we really feel at home
In each other
In this, there is no quarrel between us
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